Things are definitely progressing. On the second night Arya fell asleep with no crying after 20 minutes of me rubbing and patting her back. Unfortunately, she woke up at midnight and I noticed she had a fever so I had to pick her up to give her tylenol. I put her back to sleep with a bottle and put her back in the crib. She woke up two more times (once i’m pretty sure was due to an earthquake that I didn’t notice) but she put herself back to sleep pretty quickly both times. She was fine in the morning so I’m thinking the fever was due to some teething.
Last night I patted/rubbed her for ten minutes but left the room after she seemed to be getting more riled up from me being there. I let her cry for ten minutes, went in to comfort her for five minutes, and then she cried for ten more minutes. When I went back in the room she almost immediately fell asleep and she slept through the night until 6:30!
I’m thinking this quick success is due to her already being a good sleeper but I won’t count my chickens before they are hatched. I will say it feels great to be getting a more normal night of sleep again!
I’m also completely amazed at how much she seems to be developing these days. She is crawling everywhere and is talking almost constantly with more and more complex sounds. Yesterday she started clapping and today she figured out how to push herself back up to a sitting position from her tummy. She still has little interest in pulling herself up and walking (which is fine by me).
Arya was a bit of a mess when I picked her up from daycare. They said she had been cranky and tired all day and felt a bit warm. They were thinking she was either getting sick or teething.
She was in pretty good spirits for the walk home,babbling and laughing at me. When I got home I remembered I had to move my car (street sweeping) so I had to load her up in her cars eat, move the car, and walk home from the lot (the joys of single parenthood). She was also in a pretty decent mood through this debacle. When we got home I wolfed down some food while giving her one of those food pouch things. Then I got her in pjs/sleepsack and took her temperature. It was slightly elevated at 99.8 but I decided she seemed OK and forged on with my sleep training plan.
I rocked her with a bottle until she was sleepy and put her in her crib. She immediately flipped to her belly and started babbling. I rubbed her back/tummy/head and she would put her head down for a few seconds and pop up. I rolled her onto her side a few times (her preferred sleep position) but she wasn’t having it.
Then the crying started. I continued the rubs and soothing shush’s and told her I loved her. I felt like a monster but trudged on. After an hour, I laid on my bed next to her crib and told her I was still there. Then I went back every 5-10 minutes for rubs and pats. The screaming didn’t stop. When we hit hour two, I was starting to doubt my plan but she did show some tiny signs of slowing down. About thirty minutes later, she rolled onto her side and fell asleep.
I watched a bit of TV, ate some celebratory ice cream, and went to bed early expecting a bunch of wake-ups. But, she slept through the night as wasn’t up until after 6! I’m not sure if she was just so exhausted from screaming (or if my plan is working) but we will see tonight!
My amazing (sleeping all night since six weeks old) baby is backsliding. First I thought it was jetlag from going home to NY. Then I thought it was teething. But I now have to accept that we have a sleep regression in our midst-with 2-3 wake-ups every night. Due to thinking it was jetlag and teething I have gotten into the habit of bringing her into bed with me for a bottle in the middle of the night. She is so cute and snuggly that I’ve kept her with me until we wake up. Now it has definitely turned into a bad habit that she expects.
After talking to friends and a bunch of research I have decided that due to her new found crawling skills, she get really excited when she wakes up and night and doesn’t know how to get herself back to sleep. I have always rocked her to sleep with a bottle and it works great. But now, she is getting a bottle every time she wakes up because its the only way she will sleep causing her diaper to leak because it is way too much liquid for a baby (or an adult) at night.
My plan is to follow this simple schedule that I modified on a friend’s advice (and the website Mommy My Way):
Days 1-3: give her a bottle and rock her until she is sleepy but not asleep. Put her in the crib and stay with her until she falls asleep patting and rubbing her and making singing/shushing noises.
If all goes well..
Day 4-6: do the bottle and rocking until it is done, put her in the crib and hang out for five minutes and leave the room. Go back every 20 minutes for five minutes until she stops crying.
Day 7-9: bottle, rock, put her in crib, say goodnight and immediately leave the room. Go back every 20 minutes for five minutes until she stops crying.
Keep your fingers crossed for me! I’ll try to update with my progress.
Almost everyone I see asks me how I feel being back to work and I’m finding it hard to answer. I’m so so proud I’m making this work and it seems do-able. And if I’m being honest, Arya being such a chill and easy baby is probably 95% of why this feels so manageable. She still mostly sleeps through the night so I’m getting about 7 hours of sleep a night, she goes to bed around 7-7:30 so I have a few hours at night to myself, she is perfectly content hanging out with most people, and she is able to entertain herself for decent stretches of time. And yes, I am fully aware of how lucky I am and I tell Arya every day how grateful I am for her.
But I have a constant fear of money hanging over me. We are just barely squeaking by. We are completely living check to check and we would be completely screwed if I were to ever lose my job (or our rent controlled apartment). Not only is this terrifying but it also makes me so angry. I’m an attorney and I make almost six figures. And while this pales in comparison to what many of my classmates (who chose much more lucrative legal careers) it shouldn’t be this hard..right? So fuck capitalism and can we please get universal free childcare, healthcare, and education already?
On a very unrelated note, I had the weirdest interaction with Arya’s daycare yesterday. When I dropped her off she was wearing a onesie and baby leg warmers. The outfit looked a lot like this:
One of the teachers was like: “look at you today!” I assumed she thought the outfit was cute. Later, when I picked Arya up the same teacher was like: “today we called her sexy girl!.” Um what? I didn’t ask her to elaborate and just responded “oh haha.” I’m thinking she thought the legwarmers looked like women’s thigh high stockings or something. It was so weird and a bit gross and I know this wouldn’t have happened if she was a boy. Can you please not sexualize my six month old?
Despite the weirdness, I decided not to say anything. I have been super, duper happy with how they are taking care of Arya and she is so happy when I drop her off and pick her up. I have to pick and choose my battles and this just isn’t worth it. But WTF?
Well I guess it’s not a huge secret now that I’m writing about it on the internet ( but who knows how many people actually read this). The reason it’s a secret is that I’ve been told that this is a taboo topic amongst parents, So here it is….
…..Arya has been sleeping through the night for the past month!
Yes, she is only 10 weeks old.
No, haven’t been doing some sort of torturous sleep training- or any type of sleep training.
No, this didn’t result from my amazing parenting skills-she just naturally sleeps for long stretches.
Yes, I have been loosely following the advice from ” the Happiest Baby on the Block” and I swear by this swaddle but generally I think I just got lucky.
I’m thinking maybe the people in my family are just good sleepers. My mom was insistent that both my sister and I slept through the night as infants. I thought she was exaggerating because this couldn’t possibly be true. Also, when I told my sister about it she told me that my nephew also slept through the night as a newborn.
I get why I shouldn’t be rubbing this in the face of all of my other parent-friends. Sleep deprivation sucks and is arguably the hardest part of parenting. But, I still want to shout it from the rooftops. So, I’ve been confiding in my non-parent friends to get it out of my system. But even when I tell them I find myself qualifying it with “well she is doing this for now but who knows what will happen in the future..” I do this because I feel a bit ashamed for talking about it-which is ridiculous.
I think this “shame” comes from a conversation I had with the doctor who did Arya’s two month check-up (he was filling in for our regular pediatrician). I told him about her sleep because I was happy but also because I wanted to gauge how normal this was and the chances that this would continue. After giving me his opinion (you never know) he said twice “don’t brag about it.” I thought maybe he was joking but he didn’t say this with a smile-just very matter of fact. So thanks for raining on our parade Mr. buzzkill pediatrician!
And, here are a few baby pictures because why not?
I was worried about feeling alone and not having enough help but between my family ( my sister and dad were here a week and my mom a month!) and the amazing number of friends coming by-i felt so loved and supported. As you can imagine, the first few weeks was a blur of sleep deprivation and figuring things out. Due to Arya’s tiny size, I was breastfeeding and supplementing with formula every 2-3 hours and pumping 6 times every 24 hours. I was beyond exhausted. Also, it was painful to abide by her doctor’s instructions to wake Arya to eat but she needed the calories. On top of this, I was having a hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding. Arya seemed super frustrated every time and she would just conk out after a minute or two.
Despite all of this hard work, she lost almost a pound by her first checkup. The pediatrician asked me to increase the feedings even more and she immediately brought us to a lactation consultant. They assured me that my milk would come in soon because ( at that point) I was only producing a tiny amount. The nurses encouraged me to increase her formula and gave me reassurances that should would be fine.
Unfortunately, my milk never really came in. After pumping 6 times a day, I was only producing about 1-2 ounces- but Arya needed about 15-20 to continue growing. It was so frustrating and was breaking my heart. I was so excited to breastfeed and accepting that it wasn’t working out was bringing me to tears. A friend of mine offered me pumped milk and to occasionally breastfeed her for me and I became irrationally upset. Not at her ( she was trying to help) but the thought of someone else having the bond of breastfeeding that I was unable to have just killed me. I did happily accept the frozen breast milk and feel really lucky to have an awesome friend willing to share it.
After a month with no increase in my supply, I made the decision to throw in the towel ( or the breast pump). It was tough at first but soon I felt so much better. And my amazing girl is healthy and growing! She gained almost a pound at her next checkup.
While I feel exponentially blessed that my mom came to help us for a month, I was worried it might cause more stress. Shockingly, we got along incredibly well. With no prodding, she took care of all the cleaning and cooking so I could take care of Arya. She also would take her in the morning so I could get a few hours of sleep which helped me feel a little less crazy from sleep deprivation. We had a few small hiccups ( she has very traditional views on what girls should wear and thinks you can ” spoil ” a newborn). But generally, the focus was on the baby and not on my various shortcomings, so we got along great for the most part. Also I think it set her at ease to witness the immense amount of support I have from my community here. I seriously didn’t want her to go home. If you had told me this a year ago, I would never have believed it but the baby really did transform our relationship. We talk nearly every day now.
One of my favorite mom moments happened when I was driving her to the airport. She said ” I have to tell you something..” I immediately thought her cancer had come back or something equally horrible. Then she blurted out ” I secretly baptized Arya while you and dad were at Target!” She then went on to explain that she tried to bring holy water with her but that her church was out. But the nuns told her she could use regular water instead. I guess she did it in the sink. She said it made her feel better because she truly believes unbaptized babies go to hell.
I think she thought I would be mad but I thought it was hilarious. I laughed so hard I was crying. Such a classic mom move.
Here are some pictures from Arya’s first month: