Good new$

I know its pretty much a given that when you are single mom that money will be tight.  Living in the most expensive city in the U.S. doesn’t help and I pay an amount for daycare what most people pay for their mortgage.  I have a decent-ish salary (especially for a nonprofit) but things have been touch and go since I went back to work.  One big stress is that I have been expecting to have to get rid of my car.  (In CA you have to have a smog test for emissions every two years and if your car doesn’t pass you can’t renew your registration). I’ve had a check engine light on in my car on and off for over a year and was told that my catalytic converter (the thing that reduces pollution) was dead and would never pass the smog test.  But, a few days ago I took my car in for the test and it passed!  Then I found out I am getting $9K back on my taxes!  I am so so relieved!  Here is a cute picture to celebrate:

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pre-diabetes

I finally took another blood test and i’m (again) officially a pre-diabetic. I should admit that this I have (maybe subconsciously) known this was the case for a while and just didn’t want to deal with it. So, I’m proud of myself for asking my doctor to order another test so I can take steps to address this before it gets out of control. I just read that 70% of people with PCOS have insulin intolerance that leads to pre-diabetes. This makes me feel slightly better but I hate that I feel stigmatized for having a “fat people’s” condition. I definitely feel like I would have dealt with this earlier had I not felt this stigma and body shame and it feels shitty. I definitely identify as a body positive anti-body shaming, proud plus size lady-but I’m still affected by all of this anti-fat BS and I’m worried that having to regulate what I eat will bring these feeling more to the surface. I guess it may be time to start therapy again.

I spent the better part of the morning looking up the glycemic index of different food (yipee!) and now I’m going to dive into a big work project to get my mind off of the lack of pizza I will soon be facing.

Here are some amazing pictures from our trip to Buffalo that my super-talented friend took at the Albright-Knox Art Gallery:

New Mexico!

I’m so so blessed to be on maternity leave for six months so I decided to take a small vacation while I have the time. My friend and I had been talking about going to Santa Fe to see the Meow Wolf exhibit so I convinced her to take a week off to explore Northern New Mexico with me and Arya. Luckily, she loves babies, so unlike most people she was excited about traveling with a three month old.

It’s shocking how much crap you need to travel with an infant. I was adamant that we would be bringing our beloved rock and play along- because Arya sleeps so well in it. After several foiled attempts at ordering one delivered to the local Target so we could use it for a week and then return it ( sorry not sorry ) I realized I could take it apart and put it in the suitcase. In the end we had one huge suitcase, one small suitcase, the stroller/car seat, and a diaper bag. Not too bad but it sure looks like a lot more when all together:

We stayed at an air bnb with a nice but very strange couple. The husband told my friend that he is 400 years old from not drinking flouride ( ummm..).

We spent the first day at Meow Wolf and it far exceeded our expectations! It’s very hard to describe but basically, it’s an all immersive art exhibit with a sci-fi backstory. The exhibit has several different ” worlds” and is a collaboration of tons of artists and it is constantly changing. I can’t recommend it enough. We stayed for four hours but could have happily spent another day. When Arya was actually awake, she loved looking at everything.

The next day we hiked around Bandelier National Monument where you can hike around and explore well preserved pueblos in this beautiful canyon. People thought we were crazy hiking in the desert with a three month old but she did great.

The next day was my 40th birthday! We are tons of great food and I got a massage. We splurged on a fancy dinner but our much less expensive breakfast was the big highlight- blue corn cakes with mole, syrup, and red chile sauces:

I thought I would be more freaked out about turning 40 but I feel pretty great about it. The issue that would give me the most pause when getting older was always my worry about running out of time to have a baby. I also have an awesome community of friends, my relationship with my family has never been better, I have a good career and I’ve certainly taken advantage of my first 40 years by living life by my own rules and traveling extensively. So yeah 40 is feeling pretty good!

We also spent some time in Taos where I saw an old friend ( who is also a single mom), saw some absolutely spectacular nature, and ate our way through Northern New Mexico. I’m already daydreaming about taking Arya on our next adventure.