My belly

Recently, several people on the subway to work have mistaken me for being pregnant due to, what I call my “PCOS” belly.  I’ve had this belly for years and have dealt with clients and strangers thinking I’m pregnant for a long time.  But I have never had it so consistently since I started taking the train to work.  These interactions are always in the context of people offering me their seats.  While their intentions are good, these interactions suck.  I have spent a ton of time working on loving my body but its hard to keep being reminded that my body is constantly being scrutinized.  Not to mention the sting of being mistaken for pregnant when it’s something I want more than anything right now.

In other news, my “Clearblue Easy”  ovulation test results were wrong!  The directions say its 99% accurate, so I was pretty shocked when my RE told me that I definitely didn’t ovulate.  I’m going back on July 3rd for another ultrasound and blood test which will hopefully show that its finally time to get this party started.

Speeding up

I’ve been doing the ovulation pee tests since cd (cycle day) 9 (9 days from thefirst day of my last period).  I thought this was really early because my phone app estimates that i’ll be ovulating on cd 17. So I was super surprised when I saw the smiley face this morning on CD 12.  This means that my embryo transfer will be happening almost a week earlier than expected! I’m going in for an ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow and will get a better idea of the timeline.  Yay-i’m so excited!




I met with my therapist for the second time on Tuesday.  Most of our conversation was dominated by my fears that I will never get pregnant.  She gave me the homework of responding to my fears with a mantra of “I have prepared my body as much as I can for this baby.”  As part of this work, I have been taking pictures of the nutritious and yummy meals I’ve been having over the past week. Here are a few highlights:


Mushroom soup with ginger/turkey meatballs from my amazing Sunbasket meal service.


Salad with grilled peaches, almonds, shaved fennel, grilled corn and chicken from my favorite lunch spot Mixt Greens.


Mashed Cauliflower and beef kebobs with pistachio relish.  Also from Sunbasket and probably one of my favorite things I have made with them so far.


A quick breakfast of eggs, sweet potatoes, and onions.  The potatoes and onions were from Imperfect Produce-a newish service where you can buy produce that can’t be sold in stores due to size, shape, and surplus.  You just choose what you get each week and they deliver it to you with no delivery charge.  I got a huge box of cauliflower, broccoli, lettuce, peaches, homemade raisins, and apricots for about $15!  I’m not sure if they are available outside of the Bay Area but the website is here.

Lets go FET # 1

I got my period on Saturday after realizing that I had inadvertently skipped my Zoloft for the previous three days.  This sent me into an awesome 24 hour depression with a side of dizzy spells.  Oops.  I hung out with a few friends Saturday afternoon and had a few beers to relax myself (a very rare thing for me) and my period came later. So I’m crediting it to the beer.

I spoke to my RE’s office yesterday and we went over the schedule for the next 6 weeks.  I’m going to start ovulation testing 4 days after my period is done.  (This seems really early but I’m just going with it).  After I get my LH surge, I go in for an ultrasound and the real fun starts.  I’ll be doing lovenox injections daily and vaginal suppositories! Oh and I have to have something called an Intralipid Infusion that will set me back $700! Whoo-hoo!  I’m also doing acupuncture.  Based on this schedule my transfer will probably be in and around July 8th.

You would think that having all of these appointments/medication would be overwhelming.  But I actually think I’m calmer having stuff to do and I’m so relieved the six month wait is finally over! Given that I’m in the home stretch, I’m going to heed my doctor’s advice and will eat exclusively paleo until at least my first pregnancy test.  I’ve been generally eating this way, but having less leeway is going to be tough. Goodbye my beautiful pizza-oh how I will miss you!



F.E.T. anxiety is starting..



I’m supposed to call my doctor’s office when I get my period so I can start my embryo transfer cycle.  I have been tracking my periods since my surgery and they have been very regular (for me) at 28-31 days each and I’m supposed to get my period anytime from today to Thursday.  I have no reason to think that it will be late or non-existent but I’m obsessively analyzing every cramp and twinge.   I even spent a fun 25 minutes going down the rabbit hole of cervical mucous photos on the internet because I really know how to party!  It’s a good thing I started therapy today!

C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)

Since I am trying to be as real and transparent as possible with this blog, lets talk about what I have spent (so far) on trying to put a baby in my uterus.  As many, many others have pointed out, it is so unfair that fertility treatments are only available to those who can afford it.  And with the exception of a few people who work in tech, I don’t know anyone who has an insurance plan that covers fertility.  My insurance is no different so anything “fertility” related is 100% out of pocket.


IUI’s and other medical procedures (Hysterscopy)                         $3200

Sperm and tank rental                                                                            $2410

Acupuncture                                                                                              $1375

IVF (retrieval and PGS testing) w/ 25% “low-income” discount   $15,564

IVF Medications                                                                                        $2,403

Sperm for IVF                                                                                            $1450

Co-pay for myectomy (to remove fibroids)                                         $1240

 TOTAL: $27,642

(not including) Upcoming FET                                                                $3,800


Going through the exercise of adding this up makes my stomach turn.  I’m sure there are more expenses I haven’t accounted for-like the hundreds of miles I have driven schlepping my sperm and myself around for appointments all over the Bay Area.   I am very, very, very, lucky to have received  help which paid for most of the above treatments.  But now I’m on my own (with 2 embryos to show for it).  I just applied for a medical loan for $5000 to cover my upcoming FET(frozen embryo transfer) and other (now unknown) medical expenses that I am sure will come up.  So here’s hoping the first one sticks! Oh and FUCK the U.S. health insurance system!!!