pineapples,acupuncture, therapy, mediation, laughing, Brazil nuts….

T minus 35 days until my transfer.  I’m now in full-on “preparation” mode.  I’m trying to eat super good and I have been working out about 3 times a week-something that seemed impossible only a few months ago with my horrendous commute.  I’m also trying to increase my meditation practice-which comes in handy on crowded subway trains while wedged into someone’s smelly armpit.  I reached out to my acupuncturist and will start going once a week (and the day of the transfer).  Oh and I’m squishing in a new therapist as well.  And don’t forget the doctor’s appointments that will ramp up soon!  My doctor’s office is about a 45 minute drive from my house/work too.  One thing about trying to conceive with infertility issues is that its so much work.  I literally have something body/fertility related almost every day for the next few weeks…

Speaking of “preparation,”  I have been hearing about so many natural remedies and studies about IVF on the single mothers by choice blog recently:

Apparently, eating pineapple helps with embryo implantation:  pineapple for fertility.

So can Brazil nuts: Brazil nuts.

Oh and laughing the day of the embryo transfer may increase chances by 2.67% laughing and IVF.

I take all of this advice with a grain of salt but given that I like pineapple and nuts and laughing, I will probably give it a shot.

Oh and I absolutely love having the option of working from home.  Here is a picture of my adorable view from yesterday:

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excited!

I talked to Dr. Cowboy this afternoon and he thinks I am ready for my frozen embryo transfer in and around July 6th!  He was super not a jerk about the weight stuff and said that he is happy that I am eating much better, taking supplements, and most importantly-feeling much better.

He also said I can do a “natural FET cycle” instead of one with medications because my period has been super regular since I had my surgery.  A “medicated” cycle requires a lot of injections and trigger shots to ensure ovulation and that the uterine lining is thick and ready for a baby to stick to it (my super scientific explanation). So less drugs = way less $$ too.

The nurse had originally wanted to schedule a $1600 anti-body test to see if i have a (rare-ish) mutation that can cause miscarriage.  But we agreed that I can just take the drugs that would treat the mutation because they are way less expensive and could only stand to improve my chances.

Now my job is to take really good care of my body until this goes down.  yay!

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trying not to freak out…

…for two reasons:

1. Betsy Devos (a billionaire) who was appointed secretary of eduction by Trump (another billionaire) have proposed to eliminate the public service loan forgiveness program that I am a part of.  Basically, I pay about $550 a month on an income based plan and as long as I stay in public service for 10 years my debt will be forgiven (about $130 K).  I have counted on this plan for the entirety of my legal career and although I absolutely love my job in public interest law and I can’t imagine ever doing anything else-I would have made some different choices over the last 9 years if this wasn’t an option.  I’m cautiously optimistic that they won’t be able to eliminate this program proactively, but I don’t trust anything this evil and enittled administration does so who knows..

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2. I’m talking to my doctor tomorrow about my up-coming frozen embryo transfer!  I’m worried he will give me shit for not losing all of the weight-but he has always been a non-judgemental and nice guy so I’m hoping my concerns are unfounded.  I’m still trying to eat well and take care of my body but I was starting to get a little too obsessed and I am absolutely not going down that path.  I started trying to find a therapist so I willl definitely be talking about this stuff with them when they come on the scene.

To end things on a positive note, here are my adorable kitties..

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yay therapy!

One of the things I hate the most about this process is all of the waiting.  You have the awful two week waits in between insemination/transfer and pregnancy tests.  You have the wait for your period to start so you can begin another round treatment.  And I am in the midst of a five month wait from my fibroid surgery.

I’m an incredibly proactive person and it’s super, duper, frustrating to have absolutely nothing I can do to get me closer to my goal. As a result I find myself going down the unhelpful rabbit hole of online forums, statistics and research.  I was also focusing a ton on weight loss and I’m trying hard to remind myself that I still have a great shot at pregnancy if the number on the scale is a few pounds more than the doctor wants it to be.

In more positive news, I bit the bullet and called evil HMO to ask for therapy.  In the past, they had refused to approve me for it and tried to funnel me into a group about depression or something.  But they got sued by a bunch of people and now they have agreed to pay for therapy from an outside network!  I haven’t talked to a therapist since I started trying to get pregnant because I thought I would be paying out of pocket and this would be about $400 a month-so this is a huge relief.  Although I have to say that it’s a sad state of affairs when you excitedly text your friends about getting approved for necessary health care and they respond with party emojis….

 

Things are moving along..

I’ve been busy adjusting to my new life as a person who doesn’t spend 3 hours plus in a car commuting every day and it still doesn’t feel completely real.  I’m in week five of the new job and I’m loving my co-workers and commute a lot but I’m still adjusting to the much slower pace and the quiet.  Also, I’m used to (and much happier) being really busy but I haven’t reached close to that level yet. That said, I’m really excited to be focusing on improving access to housing for low-income people-especially in this horrible political climate.  And I have this view everyday (at least until we move offices):

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Due to my new found freedom, I joined my local YMCA gym and actually have time to go.  I have also been getting to regular meditation sits/classes.  And I’m finally getting enough sleep and I hang out with people more-even on school nights!  The idea of doing that commute after tasting my freedom feels impossible.

Oh and I got a ridiculous new tattoo! It’s my “i can get though anything and I’m still weird and punk rock” tattoo.  It’s definitely my most “visible” work and I think it tips the scales from me being a “person with a lot of tattoos” to a “tattooed person.”It’s a portrait of my cat Oso in outer space and I absolutely love it:

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Mexico was great! But it was definitely weird to stay at such a fancy resort as a single lady.  A lot of people asked about my marital status and I kept getting seated directly next to couples because I think the staff thought I was lonely.  Most of the food was buffet style and there is something very liberating about eating pizza and a sundae for lunch next to a table full of people sipping Rosé and picking at salads-especially as a plus sized woman.  They also had free 24 hour room service and one night I ate some pot chocolate, ordered nachos and ate them in bed like a boss.

Most of my time was laying on the beach, swimming in the ocean, swimming in the pool, and reading.  So it was perfect and exactly what I needed.

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On the baby front I have also been making some moves.  I am all healed up from my surgery and I’m anxious to throw some embryos up in my uterus.  The tentative schedule is end of June.  If that doesn’t work the plan is embryo donation-but lets not get too ahead of ourselves…

My doctor wants me to lose more weight and I’m having some feelings about it for sure. With the exception of my vacation, I have been eating much better.  I’ve been sticking to a paleo-ish diet with some leeway (ie. sometimes a girl needs her pizza).  And I have lost about 16 pounds since this fertility/pre-diabetes began and I’m feeling great.  But my body just wants to hover at around 200 pounds-which is where it has been pretty much my entire adult life.  This is 20 pounds more than where my doctor thinks I should be to increase the chances that my embryo will grow into a baby.

With the new job, I have finally been able to get on a more regular gym schedule.  I usually run and lift weights 3-4 times a week. But as I said-the weight is just not coming off.  So I’ve decided to just keep doing what I’m doing and to let the chips fall where they will.  I just cannot go down the road to being even more strict with my food intake because this has been a slippery slope for me all of my life.  I know I will have a kid somehow and I refuse to make myself completely crazy in the process.