Feeling totally recovered. I went to meet with the surgeon and she said everything looks great and I only have to wait 3 instead of 6 months to get pregnant!! Here are the gory photos if you like that sort of thing:

( the tumor they took out)

( my happy tumor free uterus. Those white things are my ovaries.

My MRI. The thing with the X is the tumor.

The time I drove myself to the E.R. while eating a frozen burrito.

I’m generally healing well from surgery with the exception of getting run down really easily.

A few days ago I started noticing that the incision in my belly button was leaking some gross and smelly discharge. I hadn’t been too concerned about it because the area doesn’t hurt and I don’t have a fever or anything. But after four days and a late night google search, I decided to give the advice nurse a call.

They paged a surgeon who thought I had an infection and told me to go to the E.R. immediately.   I have a $250 copay ( because America!) and I didn’t want to waste my money and time for a non- emergency. I asked if it could wait until tomorrow and she said I could get a stomach infection or something so I reluctantly agreed to go.

Anticipating a long wait, I threw an Annie’s frozen burrito in the microwave, pulled on some sweatpants, and drove myself to the E.R. one handedly while eating.
I was seen pretty quickly by a young and attractive doctor. He was very nice but essentially told me that while it was a good idea that I came in, everything looked fine. He suggested I lie on my back and let my belly button air out several times a day.

So yeah I paid $250 to get diagnosed with a dirty belly button. Happy Sunday!

6 days post surgery 

I had my myectomy last Friday and I am recovering great! While the above aftermath is a bit gross it’s amazing that I had a grapefruit sized tumor removed from my uterus just a few days ago.

The surgery itself wasn’t too bad. My friend went with me and she did her best to calm my nerves.  My surgeon came to see me right beforehand so they could put these weird leg massagers on me and to answer any questions I had. She is such a chill badass lady so I couldn’t help but feel that I was in good hands. Then the nurse stuck this giant pad on my butt and I was whisked away.

The guy who brought me to the surgery room had this amazing ghostbusters themed tattoo sleeve and we debated the new vs. old movie the whole way down there.

When he wheeled me inside the surgeons were blasting Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” ( seriously) and it was both epic and hilarious. I got a quick look at the huge robot they were using for the surgery and got a little freaked out but I just concentrated on Jimmy Page to keep me relaxed.

The anesthesiologist came over and we laughed about how he was putting me under with Led Zeppelin in the background.  I think he said something about this being perfect music to trip out to. It relaxed me so much to be around such down to earth and confident people.

The next thing I remember was waking up in recovery and feeling like I was hit by a truck. I asked for pain meds because i felt like I had the worst menstral cramps ever. The doctor came to check on me and said it all went great and a bunch of other stuff I don’t remember because I was super out of it. My friend took me home an hour later.

The next few days were a Vicodin and sleep haze and stomach was super bloated. My surgeon called to check in and she reassured me that everything I was feeling was normal. She said they fill your abdomen up with CO2 gas to make it easier to cut stuff out of you. Unfortunately this and my new inability to go to the bathroom severely decreased my appetite ( a very strange feeling for me).

I weighed myself a few days later and had lost 5 pounds since surgery despite being told I would gain weight. I decided to make the ultimate sacrifice of ordering a pizza in an effort to stimulate my appetite. Strangely, even pizza didn’t do the trick but I managed to eat two pieces before passing out.

Today my pain is pretty much gone but my stomach is still pretty sensitive. I’m able to walk around for about 20 minutes at a time and taking a shower is the best thing in the world.

I’m starting to lose my shit being home all day and reading the news about the apocalypse that will surely happen with this asshole in the White House.

So far I have watched:

1. This is Us ( cried during almost every episode).

2. Seasons 1-4 of Big Love ( i’m a sucker for Mormon fundamentalists)

3. Sister Wives ( do you see a theme developing?)

4. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ( because i’m all about quality)

5. Sense 8 ( hard to follow at first but really good).

I’ve also read ” All the Birds in the Sky” by Charlie Jane Anders ( witches, sci-fi and San Francisco FTW).

I’m contemplating going back to work early because I can’t imagine doing this for another week. Luckily I have these dudes to keep me company: