Keeping perspective 


I got this amazing drawing at an art event recently. I love that it shows a little girl just being herself with no concern about what the world thinks she should be. I can definitely relate to this kid as I have always been a bit of a weirdo. I hung this up in my bedroom and I have found myself looking at it as a representation of my future ( fingers crossed) child. It helps to ground me when I’m feeling lonely or overwhelmed with this process and all the big steps ahead.

I’m now on day five of my injections. I’m starting to feel really bloated which I’m visualizing as tons of healthy eggs growing away. I’m also super thirsty, getting small headaches, and exhausted. I took a four hour nap after breakfast and woke up with night sweats from a dream involving the band Sleater Kinney and a large pond. I’ll happily take this over mood swings, anxiety, or depression.

12 down 40 to go..

All of the people I talked to about their IVF experiences assured me that the injections don’t hurt. But I was unable to believe that voluntarily sticking a sharp object into my stomach would be painless. I’m happy to report that they were telling the truth.

The psychology of inflicting pain on yourself is the hard part..at least for me. I only hesitated for five seconds the first time. Then I said ” fuck it” and shoved the needle in. I was so proud of myself!

Here is what it all looks like (i swear my bathroom isn’t as dirty as it looks):

So many needles!

I had my baseline ultrasound and all is looking well in my nether region.  The doctor said I would be getting my period very soon because he could see my uterus cramping on the screen ( weird). Before he left the room, Dr. Cowboy gave me a pep talk about fighting my HMO for the fibroid surgery. I told him I get paid to argue and I’m not going to let them bully me.

The nurse gave me a one on one class on how to do the injections. She had me bring some of my meds in because they are the weird European kind. I brought them in my space cats lunchbox with an ice pack and that made her laugh.

When I got home I made a little place in my bathroom to store everything. I also put the schedule on the wall so I can remember to check it off each time.


The impending injections had my anxiety working overtime. Distracting myself with a project and cooking dinner helped a bit. I have my fingers and toes crossed that the injections won’t send me further down the depression/ anxiety rabbit hole.

Treat Yourself 

I have my baseline ultrasound and blood tests tomorrow. The nurse is also going to show me how to do the injections. I’m a ball of nerves. It doesn’t help that stopping the birth control sent me into an intense 24 hour depression. I have my fingers crossed that the injections won’t have the same effect.

I am still dairy and gluten free and this little dessert has been saving my life. Its just frozen bananas, a tablespoon of peanut butter, a pinch of cocoa powder, and some almond milk blended in a food processor. I added some sprinkles tonight cause I deserve it.

The drugs have landed.

It’s funny how they made their way across two oceans, through customs in Queens and the second they hit the U.S. postal service all went to hell.  I’m just relived to have them in hand.  The Menopur are in the old school glass vials that you have to break but the nurse said she would teach me at my baseline appointment.  But it’s worth a little more pain in the ass for a $1600 savings.

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After a frantic online search I learned that Purgeon is the same as Follistim-the name is just different outside of the U.S.. (whew..!).

I also had a minor freak out because I forgot to take my birth control on Wednesday but the nurse told me to just take it now.  I’m learning that IVF is all about little freak outs.

Speaking of drugs, here is a picture of all of the drugs and supplements I have been taking every day.  I’ve mastered being able to take it all in one big gulp!

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I just want my drugs.

The post office tried delivering my ivf drugs yesterday and I wasn’t there to sign so I ordered a re-delivery online.  Now my package is stuck in some kind of post office limbo where no one seems to know where it is.  The people at the main USPS number told me to call the local office directly. But the number they gave me was disconnected.

I should have expected something like this to happen because it all seemed to going so smoothly up until now.  IVF has so many loose ends to tie up before it gets started.  I feel like I spend 1/4 of each work day coordinating IVF related stuff.

In other news, my RE told me to get Ganirelix because I will likely need it toward the end of my cycle.  I called a bunch of US pharmacies and the price ranges from $1,020 to $152 each.  WTF?  How can there be such a difference?