Halloween!

Work is starting a bit later today and I have an extra 30 minutes before getting on the train. I stopped at one of the myriad of new hipster coffee shops in my neighborhood and am eating a croissant and latte contemplating nothing in particular. Baby- free time can be so re-charging.

Last night I took Arya to a work event and she was a total rockstar and hung out in a huge crowd smiling and playing with strangers. I’m again so so thankful to have such an easy baby. And it doesn’t hurt that she is at the most adorable age.

I have been dreaming of having a kid on Halloween for years and it finally happened.  I took Arya trick or treating with my friends and their 1 year old.  The kids had no idea what was up but it was adorable and I get to eat all of the candy so it was a win/win.  I am such a nerd for Halloween that I bought Arya’s costume 4 months before she was born.  I had to get it because I’m obsessed with dinosaurs and the costume is a baby dinosaur hatching from an egg.  I also made myself a matching mommy dinosaur costume.  Arya was shockingly chill about keeping her costume on-even in the summer-like heat we were having.  Here she is in all her adorable dinosaurness:

Still waiting

The doctor still hasn’t told us the results of the PET scan.  We were supposed to find out (at the latest) today.  I was super busy banging some work out out this morning but now i’m crawling up the walls.

Fuck cancer

About six weeks ago, my dad had a growth removed from his mouth. He was really worried it was cancer but after two weeks of no news from the pathologist, the doctor reassured him by saying: ” no news is good news.” I was ( obviously) very relieved. This was at the same time that I found out my aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer with a terrible prognosis. I remember feeling so grateful my dad was ok and feeling terrible for her and her family.

It turns out my dad does have cancer. The first pathology report came back negative but the doctor didn’t like something and sent it back. It’s cancer of the sinuses which is ( from what I have read) very rare and hard to find. He had a pet scan today and we will know more Saturday or Monday. I made the stupid mistake of googling the symptoms and prognosis and it scared the crap out of me. Now, all I can do is wait and hope super hard everything will be ok-something my ” doer” brain finds impossible. I also got the news yesterday that my uncle ( my dad’s older brother) also has cancer. When it rains it pours-Fuck cancer!

When you are up at 3 A.M. with your baby who won’t sleep…

…its a good time to re-write the lyrics to the B-52’s “Loveshack.” (Don’t judge me I was sleep deprived)

If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says
Fifteen miles to the, baby shack!

baby shack yeah-ah

I’m headin’ down the Nimitz freeway
Lookin’ for the baby getaway
Headed for the baby getaway, 
I got me a stroller at the Toys R Us sale,
And we’re headin’ on down to the baby shack
I got me a trike, it seats about twenty
So hurry up and bring your juicebox money

The baby shack is a little old place where
Arya gets together…
with all the other ba-bies…
Baby shack baby

Baby shack, baby, baby shack
Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Sign says, woo, nobody drools
The club rules, at the baby shack
Well it’s set way back in the middle of a field
Just a funky old shack and Arya’s gotta get back
Glitter on the changing pad
Glitter on the height chair… oh yeah
Glitter on the carpet
Glitter on the bouncy chair..yeah

The baby shack is a little old place where
Arya gets together…
with all the other babies
Baby shack baby

Baby shack, baby, baby shack
Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Huggin’ and a-kissin’, dancin’ and a-snuggling’
Wearin’ only diapers ’cause it’s hot as an oven
The whole shack shimmies
Yeah the whole shack shimmies
The whole shack shimmies when every baby’s movin’ around
And around and around and around
Every baby’s wigglin’, every babies cruisin’ baby
Sleepy babies linin’ up outside just to go down
Every baby’s wigglin’, every babies cruisin’ baby
Funky little shack
Funky little shack

Hop in my stroller, it’s as big as a whale
And it’s about to set sail
I got me a trike, it seats about twenty,

so come on and bring your jukebox money
The baby shack is a little old place where

Arya gets together…

with all the other ba-bies…

Baby shack baby

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

 

Bang bang bang on the door baby!
Knock a little louder baby!
Bang bang bang on the door baby!
I can’t hear you
Bang bang bang on the door baby!
Knock a little louder sugar!
Bang bang bang on the door baby!
I can’t hear you

Bang bang bang on the door baby, knock a little louder
Bang bang on the door baby, bang bang!
On the door baby, bang bang!
On the door, bang bang!
On the door baby, bang bang!

You smell what..?

Somebody…. pooped!
Busted!

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Baby shack, baby, baby shack

Sort of settling in

Almost everyone I see asks me how I feel being back to work and I’m finding it hard to answer.  I’m so so proud I’m making this work and it seems do-able.   And if I’m being honest, Arya being such a chill and easy baby is probably 95% of why this feels so manageable.  She still mostly sleeps through the night so I’m getting about 7 hours of sleep a night, she goes to bed around 7-7:30 so I have a few hours at night to myself, she is perfectly content hanging out with most people, and she is able to entertain herself for decent stretches of time.  And yes, I am fully aware of how lucky I am and I tell Arya every day how grateful I am for her.

But I have a constant fear of money hanging over me.  We are just barely squeaking by.  We are completely living check to check and we would be completely screwed if I were to ever lose my job (or our rent controlled apartment).  Not only is this terrifying but it also makes me so angry.  I’m an attorney and I make almost six figures.  And while this pales in comparison to what many of my classmates (who chose much more lucrative legal careers) it shouldn’t be this hard..right?  So fuck capitalism and can we please get universal free childcare, healthcare, and education already?

On a very unrelated note, I had the weirdest interaction with Arya’s daycare yesterday.  When I dropped her off she was wearing a onesie and baby leg warmers.  The outfit looked a lot like this:

8859284013086

 

One of the teachers was like: “look at you today!”  I assumed she thought the outfit was cute.  Later, when I picked Arya up the same teacher was like: “today we called her sexy girl!.”  Um what?  I didn’t ask her to elaborate and just responded “oh haha.”  I’m thinking she thought the legwarmers looked like women’s thigh high stockings or something.  It was so weird and a bit gross and I know this wouldn’t have happened if she was a boy.  Can you please not sexualize my six month old?

Despite the weirdness, I decided not to say anything.  I have been super, duper happy with how they are taking care of Arya and she is so happy when I drop her off and pick her up.  I  have to pick and choose my battles and this just isn’t worth it.  But WTF?